On mindfulness and maintaining perspective

My first therapy session was in an office tucked away a few blocks from my school, on a winding road I knew from going to my sister’s ballet studio.

I remember shedding layers of jackets, wondering why I was even sporting a down coat at the tail-end of our warm Southern California winter.

I took note of the yellow walls, the casual array of candles, the thoughtful stacking of meditation books, the lush HomeGoods-style couch my mom sat on and I slumped on, both directly facing the woman who would go on to remind me that I am enough, that I don’t have to move a mile-per-minute all the time, that it’s okay to carve out time for myself.

The warm therapy office air, once suffocating, became a safe haven. All of a sudden, I could breathe when I was talking to her.

mile-per-minute

The most important thing I've learned from therapy is that it's okay to have a therapist.

The second most important thing I’ve learned is how to practice mindfulness.

Mindfulness takes on different meanings for different people. It can also mean different things for the same person but at different times. Like prioritizing relationships over success. Or cherishing the little moments but not getting caught up in the little details. For me, mindfulness means focusing less on goals and more on values. It’s hard, sometimes, especially when goals are concrete and values are abstract.

Mindfulness always requires that I maintain perspective, recognizing that I deserve to be easier on myself.

little moments

So often I feel like I pursue extracurricular activities for the sole purpose of one line on a resume.

My therapist likes to remind me that when she first started seeing me, two years ago (wow how time flies!), I would always follow long-winded, breathless accounts of how overwhelmed I was with,

“But I can make time! I tell myself I can make time! I will make time.”

This mile-per-minute mindset was never about mindfulness or mental health or personal well-being. It was about doing the most because I felt like I owed it to myself and to the people around me.

Great expectations, I had and they had and we all had.

But mindfulness and perspective means putting your own well-being before those expectations. About making time not for more and more and more extracurriculars, but for yourself. For you.

great expectations

Now, when I feel overwhelmed, I remember these things to keep perspective:

1. I am enough.

2. I deserve to make time for myself.

3. I’m building a life, not a resume (inspired by Roadmap)